Bullsheet Article

by Jason Stotts

With the recognition that my collegiate career has reached its conclusion, I write to carry on the tradition of the seniors who came before me who write into the Bullsheet to share their wisdom with the underclassmen.

First, though, I’d like to condone all the recent Bullsheet submissions, it’s always amusing for me to see how one funny article can spur a string of stupidity. Case in point: Max wrote an article the other day about people who utter the non-sense phrase “I heart you”. Now this phrase would be cute for a third grade girl who didn’t know any better, but for someone in college it doesn’t speak highly to your intelligence. What’s funnier for me though, is that we have freshmen who think themselves so worldly as to show Max up by engaging in more stupidity: Mattew Ezzard wrote “piss off”, Alexandra van Dam proffered a beautiful example of an ad hominem abusive when she insinuated Max was poor, and Katie Berta pointed out that Max is not a god speeler (oops!) while missing the point of his argument. To these kind people, I say “good move, good move” – albeit quite sarcastically.

Now, time for the real reason I write today, to give unto you, you charming little underclassmen, some reflections and advice about Denison from a graduating senior.

1. College changes you, even if you don’t always notice it at the time, bit by imperceptible bit you become more mature and grow in your abilities (that is, of course, unless you drink yourself stupid)

2. I advise you all to take advantage of everything Denison has to offer: be involved, try new things; you’ll find out a great deal about yourself from this.

3. Meet new people and be friendly to everyone, every smile makes the world a better place (as trite as this sounds).

4. Learn new things and grow – don’t remain stuck in your past with your half-formulated ideas that you’ve never analyzed anyway.

5. Res-Life and Security are not out to get you, nor are they evil people (most of them), they do have a job to do. You knew there were rules at Denison and if you didn’t, you should have checked. By coming here and remaining here you are agreeing to their rules, so don’t be upset when someone holds you accountable.

6. Coffee: I once heard that “philosophy is best done caffeinated.” Well, so is college.

7. Attend the comedians, performances, plays, and trips. Do you realize that in just a couple years, these things will not be free and you’re going to have to pay to see them? Not only that, but they’re a great break from studying and they can help get you through the week.

8. The dining halls do suck. That’s just a fact.

9. If you don’t like the way something is in life, stand up and speak out against it. YOU can make a difference in the world if all you do is stand up for what you believe in. Have some integrity and a backbone!

10. Being haughty, instead of showing that you have “class”, shows quite the opposite.

11. Don’t let your life pass you by – while studying is important, you can’t forget to enjoy yourself and have fun with your friends and the people you care about, this is college after all.

I wish all you underclassmen luck in your upcoming year(s).

To my fellow seniors, WE’RE ALMOST DONE!!!

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