On Pegging

by Jason Stotts

[Note: this is a repost of an essay that originally appeared Sept. 13, 2009 on the old Erosophia.  I am reposting it in anticipation of a new, longer, essay on Pegging that I will be putting up soon.]

Pegging, for those who don’t know, is the fine art of a woman sodomizing a man with a strap-on dildo. It is also commonly known as “Bend Over Boyfriend.” Now, you may be wondering why people would want to do this and what the implications are for the people who practice it. If so, read on.

The first question that people always ask about pegging is this: why would any man want to be fucked in the ass? The answer to this question, however, is simple: the anterior (front) wall of the anus provides direct access to a man’s prostate. The prostate, for those who have never heard of it, is the seat of a man’s orgasm. While for most men the penis is the focus of the orgasm, and usually it is stimulation here that is also the source of a man’s orgasm, the locus of a man’s orgasm is actually his prostate. This is the seat of the mysterious mounting pressure that a man feels before orgasm and the location from which his orgasm emanates.

The best, and only direct, way to access a man’s prostate is through his anus. If one reaches a finger into a man’s anus about an inch or two and feels the anterior wall of the anus, you will feel a small lump. This lump is the prostate itself. Providing direct stimulation to the prostate can cause a man to have an intense orgasm, even without any penile stimulation.

The point of pegging, then, is to stimulate a man’s prostate in order to give him intense orgasms. While this stimulation can be done manually (with a finger(s) or even a whole hand) or with a sex toy (a dildo or the legendary Aneros), pegging provides a unique sensation that is more similar to anal penetration with a penis.

So, why would a man want this? Because it’s a unique kind of orgasm that feels very different from orgasms achieved through penile stimulation alone. Even so, many men worry that their desire for anal play, and prostate stimulation in particular, might mean that they’re truly gay. However, this fear is completely unfounded. If we have clarity in our concepts, then we know that homosexuality is characterized by desire for a person that is of the same sex. If you feel no such desire, then you cannot possibly be homosexual. Even though a woman wears a strap-on for pegging, this does not change her nature as a woman. It does mean that she will take the penetrative role, but as we will discuss, penetration is not the essence of masculinity and donning a strap-on does not make a woman into a man or pseudo-man. In pegging, the anal penetration is specifically done by a woman to a man and desiring a certain sexual activity with a woman could hardly be considered homosexual. This is not to insinuate that there is anything wrong with homosexuality or bisexuality; there is not.

Now typically pegging is practiced by committed couples. It would be atypical for a man to go on a first date with a woman and ask her to sodomize him with a strap-on. While one could perhaps hire a prostitute to do such a thing, I think it is much more common for this practice to be done by two partners in a relationship. If this is the case, that pegging is usually done by a couple in a relationship, then won’t the female partner sodomizing the male partner disrupt the “natural distribution of power” in the couple and be emasculating to the man? Not necessarily. In order to understand why, we must reconsider the natures of masculinity and femininity.

Although in our culture the common assumption is that the essence of masculinity is to dominate the feminine, this really does not have much basis in fact. Indeed, in which facts of reality are we to base such a claim? I want to argue that it makes much more sense to say that masculinity and femininity are primarily about the experience of being an embodied man or woman. The experience of being an embodied man or woman is often brought about or accentuated through sexual contrast between the partners. This occurs, in a heterosexual context, through the contrast of the male and female bodies.

Sexual contrast highlights the dramatic differences between male bodies and female bodies and allows each of the lovers to experience a heightened sense of their own body. That is, through this sense of contrast a person becomes sexually visible to himself and his partner and this visibility allows him to fully experience being an embodied man or woman. By noting the differences between my male body and my partner’s female body, I am better able to appreciate those things that make my body distinctly masculine and this appreciation leads me to focus on these things: this causes me to experience my body as a distinctly masculine body. Thus, we can say that at the most fundamental level, masculinity is the experience of oneself as an embodied man and femininity is the experience of oneself as an embodied woman.

Because the prostate is a distinctly male organ, pegging also allows you to experience yourself as an embodied man. Consequently, there is nothing emasculating about a man desiring prostate stimulation.

Furthermore, alternating which partner is active, or having both partners be active, can help a couple to become closer to each other and help them understand the full range of their sexuality. If we only ever are active or passive, we will never understand the whole range of our sexuality as we will cut ourselves off from parts of it.

Given our new understanding of the natures of masculinity and femininity, we can now understand why there is no danger to a relationship if a couple chooses to engage in pegging. It is more likely to actually improve the relationship than it is to harm it, as long as both partners engage in it voluntarily and with open communication.

Now let us consider the practical implications of pegging like how to actually do it.

The first major step is that a man has to be comfortable with his body. This sounds strange, but many men have very strong fears about their anuses. They are afraid to touch their anuses because they are afraid that it will mean they are gay, because they are worried about feces, or perhaps they are worried about being “loose” anally (and anal incontinence). We have already seen that the first worry is founded only in conceptual confusion and therefore need not be seriously addressed.

The second worry, though, is hard for many people to overcome. Luckily, with a little hygiene the anus is actually a fairly clean place. If we look to physiology, we will discover that the rectum (which is the part of the anus immediately inside the asshole, or sphincter) is not used for storing feces. That is, your rectum does not usually have any feces in it, it is only present when you have that feeling of having to defecate. Typically, the material waste that will form the feces is in the colon and only passes into the rectum when it’s ready to be expelled. Thus, if you don’t feel like you have to defecate, there is probably little to no fecal matter in the rectum. In terms of keeping the outside of the anus clean, a little soap and water in the shower everyday combined with good wiping skills can more than handle that problem.

The third worry is probably not as large for most men, but is certainly raised frequently. It is, however, also unfounded and has its origins in either ignorance or maliciousness. Either way, it turns out that the anal opening is actually a set of two muscle groups, an internal and an external sphincter. Of these, we have conscious control of the external one, while the internal one is involuntary. Since the anal opening is made up of sphincters, and these are muscles, one can actually exercise one’s anus to increase muscle tone and avoid any sort of incontinence issues. Just like all other muscles in the body, the more they are used, the stronger they become. So, not only does anal play not cause incontinence, it can actually make the anus stronger!

There are many other benefits of pegging for men. The greatest of these is certainly the intensity of the orgasms from prostate stimulation. Furthermore, overcoming shame and disgust at the body help you to become a more integrated person and once you move beyond the idea that parts of you are “inherently dirty,” then you can open yourself to pleasure from those sources. Pegging also allows you to see your sexuality, in whatever manifestation it takes, as a natural extension of your body’s great capacity for pleasure. Not only that, but pegging helps a man to understand more of the full range of his masculinity and challenges narrow and rigid conceptions of masculinity that were designed to conform to the religious procreative standard.

Pegging also serves to increase anal health by strengthening the anal muscles through use and increasing blood flow to the region. This demonstrable truth stands in stark contrast to the scare tactics that insist that anal eroticism will cause incontinence or damage to the anus. Perhaps lastly, although there are certainly more benefits, is that pegging helps a man to understand the role of a woman in being penetrated. This understanding can help him to better appreciate what his partner feels during sex and how different kinds of positions or thrusting techniques can feel vary different on the receiving end.

There are also many benefits for women as well. The largest benefit for the female partner is in the understanding gained about what it is like to be a man. This will help a woman to understand the complexity and endurance that certain positions necessitate and the level of exertion it takes to be the penetrative partner. There is also the joy that comes from knowing that you have given your partner exquisite pleasure and knowing that you were the source of their pleasure. Also, many strap-ons provide clitoral stimulation so that the female partner is also being stimulated while using the strap-on on her partner.

In terms of benefits for the couple, the biggest is that of enhanced communication. When one partner represses or denies their desires because they fear what their partner may say or do it is unhealthy and fosters a relationship where the partners cannot be themselves. Being open about your desires and needs helps your partner to be more open about theirs as well and helps to build a relationship of trust and understanding. This helps you to feel psychologically visible to your partner and makes your relationship stronger.

Now, of course, pegging goes against all of our cultural taboos and prior conceptions of what is right and good in the bedroom. I believe that in this essay I’ve shown that these are not correct and that we can come to have a better understanding of the nature of sexuality by simply opening our minds to other possibilities. I challenge you to think about your own position on anal eroticism and any qualms you may have about it.

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13 Responses to “On Pegging”


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    […] “On Pegging” I wanted to examine the activity of pegging by itself.  Consequently, I said that: “The […]

  2. Allison chung

    I’ve recently been introduced to strap-on play with my boyfriend… he’s absolutely LOVES it, which I didn’t 100% expect. BUT, the biggest surprise is how much I enjoy it…

    It gives you a sense of power.. Role reversal is an amazing thing and can be transforming.

  3. Raymond

    I was pegged, before pegging, in the 1980’s by my wife. We were in the forefront of this fun. We we found a plastic dildo and harness and she took my cherry once and for all. Both of us were sold on anal sex after that, adopting strapon sex quite often. I found out the dildo lasted longer than I did and my wife loved screwing me for a long time! Usually over 30 minutes each time. We made our own harnesses and found better dildoes, but my wife was my top for sure. I rarely have vaginal intercourse with her because she prefered oral sex. She trained me to stay limp during dildo sex and use my prostate for the only pleasure. I learned how to come without ejaculation!

  4. Joe & Marie

    Great post!

  5. Jaycee

    I pegged BF two days ago. He is 62 and I am 65 and neither one of us had done anything like this in all our years. WOW, what an experience it was! More for him than for me but just seeing and hearing him made it worthwhile for me. I’m going to try the direct prostate stimulation this afternoon using a g-spot vibrator. I think that will really take him over the top. Thanks for your article.

  6. On Male Orgasm and Prostate Play – A More Intimate Love of Wisdom

    […] was talking with someone the other day and they pointed out that while I had an essay on pegging, I did not have an essay on male orgasm or prostate play itself and few people are likely to jump […]

  7. Erosophia

    […] to call their new jeans “Pegged Boyfriend.”  Maybe they really didn’t know what pegging is?  Either way, it makes me pretty happy to see […]

  8. Erosophia

    […] given advice on male anal sexuality a number of times, including (On Pegging 1, On Pegging 2, On Male Orgasm and Prostate Play, On Male Orgasm and Prostate Play 2, and […]

  9. Marco

    Thank you so much for this essay! I always wanted to try pegging but was embarrassed to bring the subject up with my wife. I just emailed her the article with the subject line, “what do you think?” my heart beat fast all day until i came home from work and she kissed me and said, “i cant wait to try!”

    Since then its been an occassional part of our lovemaking and we both look forward to the nights we plan for it. We laugh and play and most impotantly both cum like crazy!

  10. WHO DAT

    Married 15 years and the wife and I have had some anal play experience but she doesn’t care for it much.. Our play ended a long while ago.. found a blog about all things sex related called Christian Nymphos that gave me an overwhelming amount of courage to approach her about it with the websites help.

    It was very well recieved we discussed all kinds of issues relating to the act which the website had answers for all of them and after reading and looking at pics we started shopping for our new friend.. she kept saying how turned on she was and giddy with excitement.. we made our purchase and are awaiting delivery! My wife is AWESOME!

  11. Erosophia

    […] with bringing a new partner into your relationship, there is always the option of pegging (1, 2, 3, 4). If your girlfriend is open to the idea, that would be a way to experience receptive anal […]

  12. eve

    thank you for this essay.
    i am really open minded, i was born that way, and i do not think, i never did think, that pegging had anything to do with emasculating a man.not if people doing it are two mentally semi healthy individuals, who are in love….
    (i also wish mentally screwed up people would not have sex, for fear they might procreate, but unfortunately they do, and sadly even share their opinions on sex with the rest of us)
    i don’t think my husband penetrating my anus makes him dominant, why would me penetrating his be anything but love, and a labour of love.
    i often admire male sexual role, coz it seems to me that, in a right kind of relationship, women enjoy sex more than men….with my husband i get completely lost in the moment(s) and break a sound barrier and he has to be focused, kind of quiet and, let’s be fair here, work harder in the process, then i ever do….so for me it would be an opportunity to give that back…that kind of pleasure to him….so he can not work that hard and just have multiple orgasms, like i do….but i dunno how i would ever suggest pegging to my partner, not coz of him…i am actually scared he will say yes and then i have to do it…i mean…a real penis feels stuff…a dildo doesn’t…there is a chance of hurting my husband…that would not be cool….so i need to work on my being a penetrative partner confidence…and this essay helps me on that…so thank you…i also hate stupid people, and their ignorant ways of going about everything, especially sex….

  13. Erosophia

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