Sex Tips #7: Communication is Key

by Jason Stotts

I remember a song from when I was growing up that said: “If you want to be happy for the rest of your life, take an ugly girl for your wife.”  Although I always thought the song was funny, it’s not particularly realistic.  But, is there anything you can do to be happy for the rest of your life?  Yes.  You can become a good communicator.

Good communication will help you in all aspects of your life, but it is particularly important for sex.  Even people who are excellent communicators in most aspects of their lives can have trouble communicating about their sexual needs and desires.  Let’s face it, it can be scary to open yourself up to your partner and reveal the deepest, darkest, parts of yourself.  But, that is precisely what you have to do if you want to have a fulfilling sex life.  If you never ask, you’ll never receive.

One thing to remember, as you ponder how to tell your parter that you might be bi, or that you like cross-dressing, or that you’re into BDSM now, or whatever, is that your partner is with you because they love you.  The two of you freely chose to be together and that means something.  While not all partners are going to be open to hearing any kinky thing you can think of, many partners are willing to at least listen to you.  If nothing else, you can be honest with your partner and gain a completeness of self that you lack when you’re systematically deceiving someone you love by omitting something important about yourself.  Ideally, even if you partner is surprised at first, they may come around and at least be willing to talk to you about your desires.  Who knows?  Maybe your partner shares some of your kinks and is fearing what you’ll think about them!

The only way to get your desires satisfied is to be honest with your partner and clearly communicate what it is that you want.

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