Bisexual Invisibility and Coming Out Bi

by Jason Stotts

In a recent column, Dan Savage argues that more bisexuals should come out of the closet so that they can be out in the open as part of society and can live their lives with integrity as who they really are.  I fully agree with Dan about this point.  All too many people think that bisexuals don’t exist because they (apparently) don’t know any bisexuals.

Not only would it be great if more bisexuals were out to their partners, it would be great if more bisexuals in opposite-sex relationships were out to their friends, families, and coworkers. More out bisexuals would mean less of that bisexual invisibility that bisexuals are always complaining about. If more bisexuals were out, more straight people would know they actually know and love sexual minorities, which would lead to less anti-LGBT bigotry generally, which would be better for everyone.

I firmly think people of all kinds should be open about who they are and what they like and that they should live their lives with integrity.  If more swingers were open about being swingers, people would understand it better and would realize how many people are swingers.  If more Objectivists were open about their Objectivism, people would realize how many of us there are and that many reasonable and intelligent people are Objectivists.

I think we should take a lesson from homosexuals and how much support and freedom they have won for themselves through being open about their homosexuality.  Sure, it’s not without some hardship and some people’s lives were made worse, or tragically even lost, but now homosexuality is largely accepted.  This same tactic of being visible and proud of who you are will work for any minority and I think bisexuals should be the next out of the closet.


Update: I wrote this with adults who are in stable situations in mind and I do not advocate one sacrificing himself for a cause.  I think it would be very beneficial for more people to come out as bisexual, but they shouldn’t risk their happiness or life to do so.

7 Responses to “Bisexual Invisibility and Coming Out Bi”

  1. D. Simms

    Is this the same Dan Savage that wished that all Republicans were dead:

    Gee, what a lovely role model Jason. What other rabid Leftist dogs are you going to quote favorably? Do tell.

  2. JasonStotts

    D. Simms,

    I hardly think you should be surprised. Objectivists tend to agree with Democrats on social issues and with Republicans on economic issues. Of course, we are actually of neither party as both are seriously corrupt.

    In terms of Dan Savage, yes he is very bad on economic issues and is for socialist healthcare. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have really good information about sex and relationships. There is more good than bad in Savage and a lot that one can learn about sex.


  3. TKK

    in general that is good advise from Dan Savage, however its hard coming out Bi when you’re already in a committed relationship; i.e. married.? My wife knows i have been w men in the past, but do I really want to come out about it now? I don’t think so.

  4. JasonStotts


    I think it totally depends on your spouse about whether you’d want to come out bi or not. Some spouses would be very supportive and others might leave you. You’d need to take your own context into account to make a good decision about this.


  5. T.C.R

    With respect, I think this would be very bad advice to give someone considering coming out as non-heterosexual, especially if they aren’t a financially independent adult yet. I’ve known people be thrown out of their family homes for coming out – knowing that your coming out contributed to making homo/bi-sexuality more accepted is little comfort when you’re sleeping on a doorstep. Even for adults, the decision to come out should be decided with consideration only to their own current position and preferences (some people just prefer to be private about these things).

    Anyway, I get what you’re saying, and agree that more people coming out bi could help make it more acceptable, but it’s not our duty to educate bigots.

  6. Doug Simms

    There is more good than bad in Savage and a lot that one can learn about sex.

    The man is wishing slaughter on Repbulicans, which means he is wishing the same on Objectivists, and you say there is “good” in him. Jason, you make a turn the other cheek Christian look sane.

    Who will save Objectivism from the Objectivists?

  7. JasonStotts


    Just because we are in fundamental disagreement about certain subjects does not mean that we cannot learn anything from him. For example, I don’t agree with Locke’s theory of personhood, but I learned a lot from his political philosophy. Your idea that you must be in perfect agreement with someone in order to learn from them is just wrong.