The Importance of Sexual Satisfaction

by Jason Stotts

When pollution gets into a system, it can be hard to identify how far reaching its poisons will go and what sort of damage it will cause.  Such is the cause with the man-hating philosophy of christianity.  The damage it has caused throughout human history is incalculable and its effects are far reaching. Indeed, we see those effects pop up all over the place, even where we don’t expect them.

Today, we’re going to look at an interesting phenomenon in our culture, the presumption, born in our culture from christianity, although harkening back to Plato, that sex is sinful and base, that it represents the worst of us, the lowest and vilest part that taints the pure soul and traps it in its prison of flesh.  This leads, directly, to many problems in relationships.  One of which is the idea that if one partner wants sex more than the other then he or she is unfairly and unreasonably imposing on his or her partner by asking them for sex and intimacy.

It truly is a terrible position to be in: to love your life, to enjoy the pleasure of your body, the pleasure of your sexual nature, and to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t like sex.  They take the (false) moral high road and attempt to make your love of life into a problem and their problem, their lack of desire for sex, into a virtue.  They pull the great inversion, the slave revolt, and declare that that which is anti-life is the good and that which is pro-life is the evil.  Thus, the person who loves life is made to feel like a bad person for wanting to have sex more than their partner.

They are trapped: they know what they want, but they can’t get it.  They love their partner, but they can’t stand to be made to feel like a bad person for wanting sex, and they can’t leave their partner over what is considered such a “little issue.”  They might try to salvage their sex life with affairs and illicit behaviors, even though they know these are wrong, in order to maintain their humanity, further convincing themselves that they are immoral and bad.

This is a most horrible trap because the inversion turns the virtue and life-loving energy of the person who loves his life and body into a horrible chain that wears him down as he tries to reconcile his great love of life with his beliefs that sex is base and that wanting to live without passion is virtue.

There are only two ways out of this trap: resignation and the slow death of the soul or a throwing off of the chains entirely.  It is either/or and you must go all the way with whichever choice you take.

If you want to reclaim your soul and your great love of life, you must begin by recognizing that sex comes from passion for life.  That your love of sex is a love of life and is a reaffirmation of your great love.  You must recognize that sex is a beautiful and natural part of what it is to be human and that those that don’t participate in it or choose not to participate in it are damaged: that there is a part of their humanity that they lack.  Whether it is a physical defect or a dying soul, the defect is with them and not with your great love of life.

Secondly, you must come to terms with the idea that since sex is part of what it is to be human, it is also part of what it is to have a good human life.  Thus, you cannot be happy without sex.  There is no way to find human happiness in denying your human nature.  The only thing down that road is the asceticism of the christian who longs for death.

Thirdly, you must confront your partner and assert your right to sex.  This emphatically does not mean to coerce or force your partner to have sex.  But it does mean to make them understand that you will be having sex and they can voluntarily and enthusiastically take that path with you, free you from the presumption of monogamy, or leave you to move forward without them.

A sexual mismatch is more than some little issue: sex is one of the most core parts of a sexual (romantic) relationship and a sexual mismatch means that relationship is doomed as it is.  Something must be done: the relationship must be ended or amended to allow both partners to have their needs fulfilled.

The path isn’t easy, but the reward is worth it: your happiness.

So, let’s invert that misanthropic christian ideal and hold sexual passion up as the virtuous love of life it is.

4 Responses to “The Importance of Sexual Satisfaction”


  1. David

    That title has got to go–is a right to sexual satisfaction like a right to health care? (/rhetorical)

  2. JasonStotts

    David,

    I’m not arguing that it should be a political right, which should be obvious from the content. But, I can see why the title might be misleading. It is, no doubt, a loose use of the word right and perhaps that’s not ideal.

    ~Jason

  3. Erosophia

    […] your blog and think the work you’re doing on sexual ethics is sorely needed. Your post today [The Right to Sexual Satisfaction], in particular, spoke to me very pointedly because of my own personal situation regarding my […]

  4. On Companionate Marriages at Erosophia

    […] only basis is superstition from an old book.  This is the situation I had in mind when I wrote “The Importance of Sexual Satisfaction.”  Sex is a normal and important part of a human life and a person should not have to suffer its […]