Question: Marriage without Attraction

by Jason Stotts

Here’s an interesting question submitted by a reader recently:

Can you base a decision on marriage without sexual attraction and only because you like the persons values and character and for the things he has done for you? Would this marriage last ?

I think the answer is obvious: sure, you could, but the marriage would be doomed from the start.  The person you’re describing is a really good friend.  A necessary part of marriage is sexual attraction and your sexual relationship.  Without these things, you’re only really close friends.

Of course, there is such a thing as a “companionate marriage,” where two people cohabitate, share resources, maybe even have children, but who either don’t love each other or who aren’t sexually attracted to each other.  This can be a fine choice in certain circumstances, but it’s not an ideal marriage.

If we’re talking about normal cases here, then I think deciding to marry someone you’re not attracted to is a terrible idea.

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