Archive for the 'Homosexuality' Category

Aporia: Sexual Identity

by Jason Stotts

What is sexual identity?  Is it simply being gay or straight?  Is it all possible facts about our sexuality?  Is it how we structure our relationships and love as well?  Does my sexual identity include facts about whether I’m monogamous or practice polyamory?  Should it include whether a person has sexual integrity?  Should fetishes and desires be included?

This issue has captured my attention recently while contemplating sexual orientation.  People often refer to a person’s sexual orientation as their “sexual identity,” yet, that seems much too thin to me.  I certainly don’t think that describing a person as straight or gay exhausts their sexual identity: in fact, it seems like more of a basic starting point than any deep information.  If all straight people were the same as each other, if all bisexual people were the same as each other, if all gay people were the same as each other; then sexual orientation might exhaust sexual identity.   But this is plainly not the case.  Sexual identity must be something more than simply orientation, although orientation is definitely a part of it.

But what else should sexual identity include?  It seems, at least at first blush, like it should include anything and everything about a person’s sexuality to which they are firmly committed and which form the core of their sexual experience.  By this I mean that if a person can’t think about sexuality without thinking of it through the lens of BDSM, then this is an important part of that persons’ sexual identity.  If a person can’t imagine becoming sexually aroused without their fetish, then this is an important part of their sexual identity.  So, tentatively, let us say that anything without which a person couldn’t imagine their sex life being good for them is an important part of their identity.

But, this raises the question, should literally anything be included?  Should we have to include anything in a statement of our sexual identity?  Should I need to say that: “I’m into {a,b,c,f,u}, but not {d, z, r, t}, and sometimes {q, j}?”  That seems much too cumbersome.  Of course, on the other hand, it’s not too likely that any particular person has a large set of sexual things that are very important to him.  Most people could probably communicate their identity with something like: I’m a bisexual woman who is mostly monogamous with slight polyamory leanings and also like some light BDSM.  It certainly seems like the stronger you hold a desire, the more it is part of who you are.

Perhaps it would be useful to delimit identity to just a couple of axes that are the most important, like: orientation, level of overall desire, sexual openness, relationship and love openness, and interest in kink.  Each of these could have a scale of 0-6 denoting orientation (Kinsey Scale), overall level of desire (asexual – nymphomania?), (monosexual – polysexual), (monogamous – polyamorous), (none – very kinky).  It’d be a little awkward to get it going, but it’d be easy to communicate your overall desires to someone quickly as “I’m a {6,6,0,0,6},” which would be a very kinky, very horny, homosexual.

Even if the scale idea doesn’t take off, and there’s no doubt it’d be a lot to get people to go to it and it might not even be worth it, I think I’m at least correct that sexual identity is much more than simply sexual orientation and if we at least move to a richer view of sexual identity, then we will have a better chance to understand our own sexuality and communicate it to others.

Dan Savage Versus the Christians

by Jason Stotts

One of the things I hate most about christianity, and there is oh so much I hate about it, is the christian propensity to find offense in everything they don’t like and to feel indignation when they are rebuffed: their feeling that they are always right and everyone else is always wrong. This is exemplified by the case of Dan Savage a week or so ago who rightly criticized christians for attacking gays and gay rights, because of the supposed biblical basis for this, while ignoring the rest of the craziness in the bible.  In short, for the complete lack of any integrity that christians demonstrate when they pick and choose from among their god’s completely true and without error book of revelations.

Savage’s speech, at a 3,000-student gathering of young journalists in Seattle, linked bullying of gay kids with biblical denunciations of homosexuality. Savage, noting the Bible also banned masturbation and the eating of shellfish, said, “We ignore the bullshit in the Bible about all sorts of things.”

In the speech, Savage, citing Sam Harris’ “Letter to a Christian Nation,” said the Bible gave instructions about how to treat slaves. If the Bible erred “on the easiest moral question that humanity has ever faced … What are the odds that the Bible got something as complicated as human sexuality wrong? 100 percent,” said Savage. (LINK)

If there really was a god and I actually believed it, you can be damned sure I wouldn’t violate a single sentence of a book of his revelation.  Of course, it’s just a fantasy, so I don’t have to worry about it.  But you think that people who did believe in it would be more serious about reading such an important book and living by it every moment of every day.

Same-Sex Marriage

by Jason Stotts

The thing that many people forget about same-sex marriage is that it’s…just marriage.

Marriage should be about love and love takes many forms.

It’s a Good Day to be Gay

by Jason Stotts

There’s a couple of reasons to celebrate today if you’re a gay, or, you know, support individual rights.

Today is the first official day that the US military will allow openly gay service members (“gay service member” might be a term of art, I’m not sure). This is a great move forward for our culture and I think it will help to bring more widespread acceptance. This is, I think, one of the few things that Socialist Party President Barack Obama has done that I approve of. On the other hand, I’d like to point out that DADT was put into place by another Socialist Party President, Bill Clinton.

On the other side of the Atlantic, the British are getting plans together to allow same-sex marriage throughout the country. There aren’t a lot of details yet, but apparently the country has allowed civil unions between same-sex couples since 2005 and now they’re moving to allow them into the full institution of marriage. This is good news and I hope the measure succeeds. (ABC)

No More “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell”

by Jason Stotts

One oft he very few things that I think Obama has done right since he’s been in office is to work to repeal the military’s “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” (DADT) policy of discriminating against non-heterosexuals in the military.  Yesterday, he officially signed the certification that will completely end DADT in 60 days.

WASHINGTON — President Obama formally certified on Friday that the American military is ready for the repeal of the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy as Pentagon officials said that nearly two million service members had been trained in preparation for gay men and women serving openly in their ranks. (NYT)

I want to take this opportunity to say thank you to all of our LGBT soldiers who fought for our country, even though they couldn’t be themselves doing it. I’m happy that you can now serve openly and I think the military, and ultimately the country as a whole, will be better for it.

New York Legalizes Same-Sex Marriage

by Jason Stotts

In a move that makes them the sixth state in the union to do so, the State of New York has legalized gay marriage!  This is a victory for all advocates of individual rights and opponents of christianity and its hatred of humanity and human happiness.  New York joins: New Hampshire, Massachusetts, Connecticut, Iowa, Vermont, as well as Washington DC as being places where an individual’s sexual orientation does not prevent them from marrying the person that they love. (via BBC)

It Gets Better

by Jason Stotts

I realized that I haven’t yet said anything about Dan Savage’s “It Gets Better” project on YouTube and his book that just came out.  In case you haven’t heard of it, the project is intended to help LGBT… youth overcome the bullying and harassment of middle school and high school and to remind them that it does get better, so they need to tough it out and live the rest of their lives (queer youth have a suicide rate that is 2 to 3 times higher than straight youth).  I think this project is great and I want to recommend for people who know youths that are struggling with being “sexually different” to refer these kids to the It Gets Better project for at least some moral support.  If you haven’t taken a look at the original video Dan and his husband Terry did, you should check it out:

My wife remarked that it’s rather a sad commentary on our culture that all we can say to these kids is that eventually it gets better and unfortunately she’s correct. Hopefully, with atheism on the rise and people moving away from christianity like never before, we will see the old out-dated sexual ethics of the human-hating christians fade away and be replaced by a rationally selfish sexual ethic, of the kind I advocate. Until that day, all we can say to these kids is that eventually their lives will be much better and they need to live to see that happen.

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Big Brother Note: if you click on the Amazon link and purchase the It Gets Better book, I will make a small referral fee.  So, if you’re going to buy the book, help me out and piss off the government at the same time.

Christians Killing Gays Again

by Jason Stotts

A 70 year old man was stoned to death in Philadelphia (city of brotherly love) because he was gay and made advances on a christian who knew his bible well.

70-year-old man was stoned to death with a rock stuffed in a sock by a younger friend who alleged the victim made unwanted sexual advances, authorities said.

According to the criminal complaint, John Thomas, 28, of Upper Darby, a Philadelphia suburb, told police he killed Murray Seidman of nearby Lansdowne because the Bible refers to stoning homosexuals.

According to the complaint, “John Thomas stated that he read in the Old Testament that homosexuals should be stoned in certain situations. The answer John Thomas received from his prayers was to put an end to the victim’s life. John Thomas stated that he struck the victim approximately 10 times in the head. After the final blow, John Thomas made sure the victim was dead.(SFGate)

This is why christians are so dangerous: faith is a form of self-imposed insanity (loss of touch with reality) and they, like animals, can become dangerous at any minute.