I need advice on how to establish a sexually active lifestyle. I am a virgin in my mid-twenties who lives with his parents and can’t have a partner over for complicated reasons I don’t want to get into. I can’t move out right now for financial reasons, but am looking to get my own place as soon as I get back on my feet, which may be a year or more. I’m not interested in a long-term relationships right now, but I also don’t want one-night stands and all that. Currently there’s no one in my immediate contacts that I’d like to heavily invest in a relationship with, but plenty for both sexual relations and other satisfying psychological things (such as fulfilling conversations, activities done together on occasion, and so forth.)
I’m not a virgin because I’m shy or afraid, but rather because I continually make excuses as to why I “can’t” have sex, such as planning a major out-of-state move or trying to resolve my financial debts (leaving little money for dating), so since I’ve habituated the single-living lifestyle for all my life I’m not sure how to make the cross-over. Plus, my living conditions are unsuitable to bring another person in.
So how do I go from virgin nerd overly-focused on the single life to James Bond-stylin’ nerd focused on life AND gettin’ it on?
There are few qualities relating to sex that are as attractive as enthusiasm.
Tonight’s Topic: Sex Work and Erotic Dancing
Both Joia and Devin have worked as erotic dancers before and we talk about their experiences and whether such work can be a moral choice for a person.
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This is a little too late in the day to be practical, but I wanted to call attention to it anyway. Apparently December 17th is “End Violence Against Sex Workers Day,” which is something I can get behind.:
December 17th is the International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers. This event was created to call attention to crimes committed against sex workers all over the globe. Originally conceptualized by Annie Sprinkle and initiated by the Sex Workers Outreach Project USA as a memorial and vigil for the victims of the Green River Killer in Seattle Washington, the International Day to End Violence Against Sex Workers has empowered workers from cities around the world to come together and organize against discrimination and remember victims of violence. During the week of December 17th, sex worker rights organizations and their allies stage actions and vigils to raise awareness about violence that is commonly committed against sex workers. The assault, battery, rape and murder of sex workers must end. Existing laws prevent sex workers from reporting violence. The stigma and discrimination that is perpetuated by the prohibitionist laws has made violence against us acceptable. Please join with sex workers around the world and stand against criminalization and violence committed against our communities.
Someone asked me at ATLOSCon what I thought about prostitution and I’m glad that I didn’t get asked the question during my lecture. I think I gave a pretty good answer to their question, but it’s one of those questions that I have not spent enough time thinking about to give a really satisfactory answer. I am thinking about the question and I do intend to write on it at some point soon.
As part of my initial research, I wanted to look in to how common prostitution was in the world and found the following website that lists the legality of prostitution in 100 different countries.
According to their data, prostitution is legal in more countries than it is illegal. Now, obviously the legality and morality of prostitution are two very different questions, but I find it very interesting that prostitution is legal in far more places than I would have expected. Frankly, I think the legal question of prostitution isn’t even worth discussing, as people should have a right to consensually do together what they want, even if it is immoral.
Look for an essay on prostitution in the coming weeks.
Apparently last week the US delegation to the UN affirmed a commitment (political speech for: promising, in a non-binding way, of, perhaps, at some point in the future, if things work out, and people remember and hold them to it) that sex workers in the US will receive some legal protection (link). This would be a great move forward and perhaps the first steps to legalize prostitution in this country, which it should be. Today, a sex worker who goes to a hospital to seek treatment and discloses that he or she is a sex worker faces arrest. Further, they cannot seek redress through the police or courts if they are raped, assaulted, or not paid, solely because they are sex workers. Basically, by taking money in exchange for sexual services, US citizens become criminals and lose all rights.
Let’s hope that this sad episode in our history ends and we can begin to see prostitutes as people.